i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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