There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
