And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
