I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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