god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
