Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
