We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
soo... how was my night?
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