he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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