Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Can I color on your dick again?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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