bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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