apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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