You made me cry and you don't even care
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
