i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
