Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
