handjob tips. give me some.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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