2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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