SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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