wakey wakey hands off snakey
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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