you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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