...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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