I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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