She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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