You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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