When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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