Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
