Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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