I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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