It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
