this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
