explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
