you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
