Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
