I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
