No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
