Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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