Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Randomize
