mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
