I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize