Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
