I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
