I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
