it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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