Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
