Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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