and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
