my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
