Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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