I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
