So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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