yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
