I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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