walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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