glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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