so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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