I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
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I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
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Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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