You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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