Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
