The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
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