Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
