He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
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I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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