Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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